Choice Theory The Perceived World

 
You have listened to me for a year now talking about Choice Theory but I know I've never really explained what Choice Theory is. Choice Theory is actually an explanation of all human behavior developed by Dr. William Glasser.

There are basically five components of this theory-the basic human needs, the quality world, the perceived world, the comparing place and total behavior. I'll give a brief overview of each one, starting with the five basic human needs.

The Basic Human Needs
We are born with five basic human needs-survival, love & belonging, power, freedom and fun. We are all born with these needs but we experience them to varying degrees. One person might have a high love & belonging need, while another person is high in freedom. We are born with these needs and are biologically driven to get them met in the best way available to us.

The Quality World
This is a place that exists inside all of us where we store pictures of things that have satisfied one or more of our basic needs in the past or things we think may satisfy them in the future. These things do not have to meet society's definition of quality. Alcohol is in the quality world of an alcoholic, steeling cars in the quality world of a car thief, and domestic violence is in the quality world of a batterer. The only two requirements for entry into the quality world are that it meets one or more of our needs and it feels good.

The Perceived World
There is much to be said about the perceived world but for the purposes of this article, all I want to say is that we each have our own perceptions of the world. Our sensory system takes in information through sight, touch, sound, taste and scent, however we all have unique ways of processing that information based on our life experiences, our culture, and our values.

The main thing to remember about the perceived world is that if you encounter others whose perceived world doesn't match yours, it doesn't mean one of you is wrong. It simply means you are different. Remembering this simply statement will reduce much of the disagreements and fighting that occurs in people's lives. Acceptance of this fact would mean we could give up the need to convince others of our point of view. We could simply accept the fact that we see things differently and move on.

The Comparing Place
The comparing place is where we weigh what we want from our quality world against our perceptions of what we believe we are actually getting. When these two things are a match, all is well.

However, when our perceptions and quality world don't line up, in other words we perceive we are not in possession of the things we want, then we are driven to action to get those things we are thinking about. People generally don't make a lot of progress or change the things they are currently doing unless they are in some degree of discomfort-the greater the pain the more motivation to try something different.

This is where conventional wisdom tells us that if we want what's best for other people in our lives, then it is our responsibility to raise their pain level to get them to do things differently because we generally know what's best for them. Right?

Wrong. We can only know what's best for ourselves. Remember, our perceived worlds are all different. We have unique values and experiences. How can we possibly know what's best for someone else when we haven't been in their skin or lived their life? We can only know what's best for ourselves.


Total Behavior
There are two main things about behavior. One is that all behavior is purposeful and two is that all behavior is total. Let's begin with the idea that all behavior is total. There are four inseparable components of behavior-action, thinking, feeling and physiology. These all exist simultaneously during any given behavior in which we engage. The first two components-acting and thinking-are the only components over which we can have direct control. This means that if we want to change how we are feeling or something that is happening in our bodies (physiology), then we must first consciously change what we are doing or how we are thinking.

As for all behavior being purposeful, all behavior is our best attempt to get something we want. We are never acting in response to some external stimulus. We are always acting proactively to get something we want. This means that when I would yell at my son to clean his room after asking him nicely several times, I wasn't yelling because my son "made me mad." I was yelling because I was still using my best attempt to get him to do what I wanted, which was to clean his room. This seems like I'm splitting hairs but it's an important distinction to make when you are attempting to move from a victim's role to that of an empowered person.

The Implications
Choice Theory pretty much rids us of the idea that people are "misbehaving." All anyone is doing is their best attempt to get something they want. Of course in the process, they may break laws, disregard rules and hurt others but those are really side effects of doing the best they know how to get their needs met. We are all doing our best-some of us simply have better tools, resources and behaviors at our disposal than others.

If we embrace Choice Theory's concepts, then our function should be more to educate and help others self-evaluate the effectiveness of their own behavior. Know that often they will continue to do things exactly as they have because it's familiar and/or because what they are doing really is getting them something they want. It is not our job to stop them, nor is it our job to rescue them from the consequences of their own behavior.

We can only make our best attempt to help others evaluate the effectiveness of their behavior and to choose a different way that perhaps is not against the rules or doesn't hurt the person or someone else. Then, we need to get out of the way and let the situation play out. This may seem hard to do-like you aren't doing your job as a parent, teacher, counselor, or supervisor, however, I ask, what is the alternative?

When you attempt to force or coerce or bribe another person to do things he or she doesn't want to do, you may be successful. You may be able to find the right reward or create a painful enough consequence to get another person to do what you want but in so doing you are breeding resentment and contempt. Your relationship will suffer. If you believe, as I do, that relationship is the root of all influence, then you are losing your ability to influence another by using external control.

I am building a website which is targeted with Local Community Websites

 
Hi, my name is James Warren and i would like to take this opportunity to share with you some of my experiences with my latest project.

I am building a website which is targeted to the local people of the town that i live in. The town is called Sudbury. It is in the county of Suffolk in the UK.

The purpose of the site isn't to attract people to the area or to inform people about any of the features that the town has to offer. It is all about communicating within the local community. It is my aim for the people of Sudbury to become regular users of the website. I want them to find information about local events and read reviews about the restaurants in the town and to keep visiting the website on a regular basis.

Why do you want people to keep visiting?

It is my aim to sell advertising space to local businesses and traders. This along with Google Adsence and a few Affilliate links should generate a half decent income. So with the people of Sudbury coming back time and time again, i will be in a good position to put premiums on advertising space.

The website is progressing well and i hope to launch it very soon. I will have to do a lot of marketing in the town to really promote it and get people to actually visit the site and hopefully through word of mouth and some decent press releases, i should be able to establish a good following. What do you think? Is i something that could work in your opinion? Why not have a look at the site and give some feedback.

Are You Too Old To Go Back To School?

 
You want to go back to school and continue your education. Perhaps you'd like to earn your first degree or ou'd like to earn a new degree in a different field. You've been dreaming of that degree but haven't dared believe your dream can come true because you think you are too old.

You aren't. It really is that simple. I don't care what your age is, as an experienced college-level educator I can assure you that you are not too old, because there are many nontraditional students on college campuses today (and likely some of those are older than you are), your life experience gives you many advantages over more traditional students, and with the growing nontraditional population many colleges have programs and services especially tailored for the nontraditional student.

I went back to school in my 30s and today I teach college. Yes, I have many traditional students in my classroom but every semester I have a large percentage of nontraditional students as well. I have studens in their late 20s as well as 30s, 40s, 50s, and up. I have students who have retired from one career and are looking to move into another. I have students whose children (or grandchildren) have left the nest so they are looking to enter a new stage in their life.

I also have many students balancing school with work and family. I have students who are the traditional age but are in nontraditional circumstances including children and family, work and military service, as well as sports and other activities. You are a unique person, but your situation is not as unique as you might think.

In many ways, your age, or rather your life experience, will be a tremendous asset for your return to school. Nontraditional students understand much better than traditional students how to manage their time and prioritize tasks. In addition, nontraditional students are often much more motivated and goal-oriented than their more traditional counterparts. Finally, your life experience also gives you a great deal of knowledge and experience to fall back on or pull from when it comes to understanding, applying, or adapting the new knowledge you gain through college. I regularly see my nontraditional students outperform traditional students in many ways, but it ultimately comes down to a maturity of thinking and reasoning that can only come with growing up. I know when I returned to college as a student after working for a number of years that I did much better in the classroom and also handled my work load much better than I did when I was a more traditional student.

Today colleges recognize they have a changing student population and offer classes in a variety of formats including on campus, off campus, televised, and internet as well as a range of schedules including days, nights, weekends, and accelerated. In addition, there are now support services available for students who fall outside the traditional student role. Many financial aid and scholarship programs also exist specifically for the nontraditional student.

In the end, it really comes down to your own gut feeling. Do you really want that degree? Are you ready to change your life? You can do it and there will be help and support available for you. Don't use your age as an excuse not to pursue your dream.

Which of These 4 Personal Mobility Scooters Will You Own?

 
There are many makes and models of personal mobility scooters to choose from. Break them down and they fall into the 4 following categories of scooters. Here they are:

1) Folding/Easily Transported Scooters: Your scooter won't do you much good if you have to go onto a trip and can't take it with you. That's when this type of scooter comes into play. Usually this type of scooter can be disassembled into 3 or 4 pieces of lightweight parts – making the scooter easily transportable. Able to fit into the trunk of most cars.

2) Three-Wheeled Scooters: As the name implies, this scooter has 3 wheels instead of 4. And it usually has a maximum weight capacity of 300 to 500lbs. Offering comfort and durability, three-wheel scooters can get you where you want to go indoors and outdoors.


3) Four-Wheeled Scooters: If you plan on mostly using your scooter outdoors, then a four-wheeled personal mobility scooter is probably right for you. Obviously because this type of scooter has four wheels instead of three, it's much more stable. With bigger tires than three three-wheeler, it's able to go as fast as 10 miles per hour.

4) Heavy Duty Electrified Personal Mobility Scooters: This type of scooter can come with three or four wheels and can support a maximum weight capacity of 500 pounds.

The type of personal mobility scooter you buy will depend upon several factors. Including weight of the user, whether the scooter will be used mostly indoors or outdoors and the amount of usage involved. Make sure you inform your salesperson of these factors. Don't get talked into buying a scooter you don't need.

How to Start an Online Business with Minimal Investment

 
Are you looking for an online business that involves ZERO or minimal investment? If your answer is yes then read on.

Generally people think that to run a business they need to invest heavily. With the popularity of Internet increasing day by day you don't have to invest even a single penny. Starting an online business can be one of the easiest ways to start a business and earn from home. You don't even need an office. The only requirement is a computer with an Internet connection.

How to Start an Online Business with Minimal Investment

Now the question in your mind would be that if you don't need an office, and you don't need to invest then what do you need to do? You need to become an affiliate for a good company and start selling their products to earn commissions. For this you don't need to have your own product but actually you are just promoting someone else's product to get paid.

However, it should be made very clear that this does not mean you don't have to work at all and by becoming an affiliate you can start getting money by merely sitting at home. After all, you need to promote the products through your web site or newsletter.

Get a Free Web Site

To have a web site you don't need to be a web expert. Without knowing any web language you can create a web site which will be your virtual office. There are a lot of web sites offering free web space without any cost. Web sites such as www.angelfire.com provide an option where you can get a free web space. You just have to register yourself and you can easily develop your own web site by just clicking a few links. No need to have HTML knowledge as you can directly configure your site and choose different background colors for your web site. They even provide very useful tools like page hit counter to have a record of the number of visitors visiting your site.

Since free web site services almost always require you to show the advertisements of the company hosting your site, once you start earning money, it is often a good idea to pay a web hosting company to serve your web site.

Research Affiliate Companies

Don't expect high returns from day one. Every business takes some time to establish and to earn profits. However, if you have spent time initially to set up your business right then it will have the potential to provide good returns over time. Do some research before you choose the right product to promote, that interests you and has good demand in the market. It is important to choose a product of your interest because you will be in a better position to convince people to buy the product if you have proper knowledge and interest regarding the product. Affiliate programs are not only related to products but also involve information sharing or offering some advice. Like advice on successful marriage, painting, learning a new language, woodworking, gardening, etc. You can offer your advice free of cost and use affiliate-marketing programs to earn money. Some of the sites where you can become an affiliate are www.amazon.com and www.clickbank.com. Once you choose a product from these web sites and promote those products then you can earn up to a very high commission on every product sold.

Promote Your Business

The success of an affiliate marketing business is promotion. If your site can draw people's attention and then direct them to the affiliate company's web site then your earning potential is limitless.

To be successful it helps to spend time doing initial research to choose the right affiliate program that can give you maximum profits. Then you will need to follow through with a good marketing plan. While choosing the affiliate program, give thought to the process you'll be following to promote the sales of the product. Since you would be more involved in the pre-sales, your web site should have good content regarding the product. If the conversion rate of the prospects to actual buyers is high from your site then you can consider yourself a good affiliate. Initial time spent on deciding the right product to promote is key to fetching good dividends later on.

Suffering

 
Since wisdom is the art of coping with suffering, it starts with a willingness to tackle it head-on:

a) Such is the harshness of our condition that we suffer, sometimes greatly or worse, insuperably.

b) Such is the richness of our nature that we can learn to live happily, or at least serenely, within the limits of this condition. This entails us either pursuing goals that are not only desirable or honorable, but also attainable, or resigning ourselves to the inevitable.

Admittedly, a great many suffer whose suffering is all the more problematic as their wisdom is still largely in the making. I remember my own past as a young unhappy and suicidal man who composed dark poems. My negative attitude compounded my difficult situation, and I lacked the awareness of my ability to improve both. Today, I feel deeply connected with those who live in the limbo of gloom. Even if my words only reach one of them, they will not have been written in vain.
I have recently come across some dark poetry, reminiscent of mine in my young days. The author – Melyssa G. Sprott – is a young talented woman whose youth has been poisoned by abuse and other hardships. Her suffering and her talent have inspired me to feature some of her work and respond to it. Note that my responding to it in a positive manner testifies to my being help-minded, but note also that my responses are written in a spirit of humbleness. I don't claim to provide a remedy; I just try my best to give some useful insights.


* * *


The following excerpts are from one of Melyssa's collection of poems, entitled "Descent into the Dark." They reveal her aching soul with the moving simplicity of a woman crying for her overwhelming grief.

1.

When I was six,
my father had me convinced
I wasn't worth the air I breathed,
the food I'd cost,
or other things I'd need.
When I was six,
my father didn't want children
or want the wife he kept,
so we were forced to suffer
for my father's regrets.

"Remember to tell him you love him or you'll die,"
Mother sings her twisted lullaby.
"Wish for mercy, pray for death,
await the day he ceases breath.
He'll wake you up at three in the morning
to beat you senseless without warning.
It doesn't matter how still you lie,"
Mother sings her twisted lullaby.

I want to bleed forever,
bleed out my sorrow.
I can't even bear
the thought of tomorrow.
I want this nightmare to end.
I'll close my eyes to the world.
I've been begging for death
since I was a little girl.


2.

How could all this damage
come from such trusted lips?

You throw words like stones.
My heart is breaking glass.

The key you held is the knife you twist.


3.

Nowhere to hide
in the dark of the night.

Sometimes the only comfort we find
is in our own pain….
They'll never understand the calm
of relinquishing all control.

Suffering takes less courage
than it takes to be content.

I didn't choose the less traveled path
of love, joy, and luck.
I chose the other path,
and now I am stuck.

I'm a prisoner of the dark in my eyes.


* * *


Let us take stock of a few harsh facts that are part and parcel of life, not only Melyssa's or mine, but everyone's.

a) The human potential for greatness – great learning and nobility, and great accomplishments – is matched only by the human potential for the reverse. Yes, humans can be and sometimes are monstrously poor-spirited, narrow-minded, and black-hearted, among other despicable traits. These traits may involve genetic or environmental factors that predispose to them, but ultimately they are the fault of the individuals who give free rein to them. The unfortunate thing is, these individuals are a source of suffering not only to themselves but also to those who are at their mercy. Among their victims are children, women, and elderly or disabled people. Actually, even the strongest of men can suffer as a result of falling prey to them. Yet, the others are more vulnerable – especially children who often make the dreadful mistake of blaming themselves for the abuse or neglect to which they are subjected.

b) As a rule, people are neither great nor bad in the extreme. They are relatively friendly and helpful – if you treat them fairly – and they lead decent though imperfect lives. Having said this, they have minds of their own, which may not be in keeping with yours. A man may fall in love with a woman who doesn't care a whit about him, and vice versa. A job seeker may hope for employment at some outfit, where in his opinion he belongs, and have his application turned down by an employer who sees things in a different light. These two examples count among an infinity of possible ones that testify to the same truth: Other people's wishes and yours often differ and you must then (out of respect) compromise or abstain from doing as you please.

c) On a positive note, there is some degree of harmony between nature's purpose and that of humans. As harsh as our life is on earth, we can subsist or even thrive. Yet, this harmony does not alter the fact that both purposes are distinct, always in danger of being opposite. Just think about the amount of resourcefulness and adaptability we must show to indeed thrive. At best the harmony is labored and confined within narrow limits. Think also about the number of times nature's purpose and that of humans clash, as demonstrated by all manner of nuisances, illnesses, and disasters. In short, the relationship we have with nature is like the relationship some people have with wild animals they have tamed. These animals are pleasant pets provided their needs are catered for. Still, they can turn against their owners for no apparent reason, except that they are fundamentally wild.

As I pointed out earlier, wisdom starts with a willingness to tackle the harsh reality of life head-on. It is the reverse of ignorance, and hence is exclusive of the illusory bliss that accompanies this ignorance. If happiness is possible through wisdom, it is achieved with the full knowledge and acceptance of the harsh reality in question. By acceptance I do not mean a passive resignation toward the status quo in all its harshness. I mean a brave readiness to turn our situation – possibly bad in a number of respects – to good account. And this includes bettering what we are able to better, while making do with everything else.

Easier said than done, of course. But then happiness is not about what is easy; it is about what is good and right and can only be accomplished through a great deal of meritorious effort. To make or not to make this effort is the question, which sums up human freedom. And surely nobody in their right mind would forever take the easy option that leads to unworthiness and unhappiness!

None of the successful marketers I know, Roadmap to riches Mentor Frank Thomas Builds His Dream Home!

 
Mentor and marketer Frank Thomas has decided to show
Folks who have been considering starting their home business
Or joining a business opportunity that his brand of "guerilla"
Marketing has proven itself to be one of the most effective ways
To build up a sizeable amount of wealth in the shortest of time.

His challenge:
In the following weeks, through video clips and photo posting
On his main website at http://www.rocketwealthsys.net/main ,
Anyone will be able to follow Frank as
He lays out the foundation for his brand new 3900sqf. Home
Overlooking a man made pond on his beautiful Acreage.
He had a chance to discuss the intricate details of this
Elaborate project which he designed himself with some fellow
Marketers who were quick to respond by saying that they were
"Captivated by the amount of detail that went into the floor plans"
And would turn to Mr. Thomas for their next home.


For the first time in "Road Map To Riches" history people will get
A glance at the true potential of an opportunity like "R2R"
And get an eyeful of what "not holding back on spending"
Really means.
In Frank's own words:
"None of the successful marketers I know, live in a fourteen room
Mansion; Dave Dubbs has bought a nice property but no third
Floor movie theater there and Nick Marks live in a very average
House in a very average neighborhood! But I need more elbow rooms."